And the world comes to a standstill /

I've learnt to live half alive.

Gin. 17. Finding inspiration and appreciating life.
I like drawing, writing, painting, dancing, photography, music and sports.

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Coda }

Saturday, October 19, 2013 @ 10:44 PM

I meant to write this yesterday, but I was utterly drained by the time I got home (with a croaky deep voice which traumatised several people - I have no regrets).

Well, I guess graduation marked the end of an extremely arduous journey for all of us. It's kind of peculiar that I didn't feel particularly happy or nostalgic or sad or relieved yesterday; it felt more like a D.S. al coda rather than a fine. Perhaps it's because 'A's have yet to commence. Perhaps it's because we'll still be seeing one another (...right?). Perhaps it's just that I haven't internalised the fact that my 2 years in HC have come to an end.

These two years have definitely changed me a lot. For the better or for the worse, I have no idea. But in these two years, I've definitely learnt the pain of regret, the liberation that comes with letting go, and the joy of pursuing my passions. I feel very thankful for all that I've gained, and also grateful for all that I've lost (they've taught me way more than anything else could).

Grades no longer affect me like they used to. People do. If you asked me if I would miss HC, I couldn't give you a definite answer; but if you asked me if I would miss the people I've met in NY/HC, my answer would be an unequivocal yes.

(On a side note, I should probably start caring about my grades because well, 'A's are just round the corner.)

Anyway, I am really grateful to HC for letting me try out many things I never envisioned that I'd do. It has helped me to unleash my latent courage (some would call it impulsiveness/stupidity). I've stepped way out of my comfort zone, and I love the life out here. Here are some things that I have tried in the past 2 years:

1. Touch Rugby
It's been almost 2 years, but I'm still surprised that I actually joined this CCA. Not because I dislike the sport, but because I never used to be an athletic person. I remember how I was a pudgy and pale little kid, I remember knocking my glasses off when I was dribbling a basketball in primary 1, I remember failing my 2.4km run time and again in primary and secondary school, and I remember not being able to even run a round around the track without stopping halfway. I remember how much I hated the sun (Oh God, I am flabbergasted at my old self). Now, I can't even survive without running at least 5 km each week (still rather meager, I know. AH I NEED TO STOP USING THESE PARENTHESES.) or participating in outdoor activities. I think I may have an irrational love for the sun.

I am super thankful for having such an amazing and supportive team. Thank you for accepting me even though I'm quite slow in picking up moves. Thank you for giving me all that constructive criticism and helping me improve. Thank you for forgiving me again and again for all the stupid mistakes I've made. Thank you for giving me such wonderful memories: screaming during ice baths, having ice baths in the pouring rain, diving into puddles, lying in the middle of central plaza while it was raining, surviving crazy PTs and having all kinds of hilarious conversations together.

Even though I didn't express my feelings much during CCA, I really love you guys. I'm really sorry for being absent so regularly during a period of time, and I'm really sorry that I didn't work hard enough. I'm sorry for not committing my 200% to the sport.

All the best for 'A's and your future endeavours! Let's catch up after 'A's. :)

2. Dramafeste

JOINING DRAMAFESTE HAS BEEN THE BEST DECISION I'VE MADE IN JC. Although like everyone else in NY, I've participated in the Chinese Choral and Drama Night in Secondary 1 and Dramafest in Secondary 2, I've never actually participated in a drama production involving so many people, especially people I didn't know, prior to Dramafeste. Never had I either, stayed in school until 10 p.m. everyday for 3-4 weeks, while having to deal with so many other things simultaneously.

Dramafeste in J1 consisted of me spending half the time in the backstage crew and half the time in the cast. I don't really remember much of it now, but I remember having met Daniel W. (my cool artsy fartsy friend) and acting as a bimbo hahaha. And I remember having had a great director, i.e. Yuan Jun, who has helped me a great deal and still checks up on all of us even though Dramafeste '12 has been more than a year ago.

Dramafeste '13 has had so much impact on me. I remember being asked to be the Costume and Makeup I/C of Dramafeste '13 in J1, which made me really really really really excited, and then being told later in November 2012 that I couldn't be in Dramafeste '13 anymore because of my commitment to ISYF. I remember being terribly sad and bitter then; I was so annoyed that the decision was made without me having any say in it. But I later realised that it was probably for my own good because I have a really bad tendency to take up too many things at one time. Nevertheless, I decided that I would crash Dramafeste '13 anyway.

In February, a week after Dramafeste preparations had begun, Guan Ming asked me if I wanted to help out. I WAS SO ELATED then I can still recall how happy I was to be able to help out in Props. And thus my friendship with a most wonderful group of people blossomed. Guan Ming, Justin, Gee Ping, Dao Ming, Rui Yu, Kheng Fang, Ying Wen, Shaun, Lionel (Buddy儿), Zhu Cheng (Xiao Di), Tze Yi, Kevin, Joshua Ng, Joshua Tan and Ying Qi, it's so lovely working and having fun with all of you. :) I really love the continuation that we had, even after Dramafeste '13 ended. I'm so proud of all that we've gone through as Props, and I will miss the hilarious birthday celebrations, breakfasts and late nights we've had together. And the Les Misérables songs we've sung at the top of our voices at BPA. Thank you for making me feel like part of a family even though I wasn't officially part of Dramafeste '13. And to Guan Ming, thank you for inviting me into Dramafeste '13.

Even though I don't have the Dramafeste '13 shirt, I will always remember my days in Props. Once a Props member, always a Props member.

And I'll always remember what Justin told me, "When I first saw you, I wondered what this random J1 was doing here." And I'll always remember that Xiao Di and Justin believed that I was born in 1997 while Shaun and I led them on.

I love you guys so much.

3. Ultimate
Technically, my love for it didn't start in HC, but it's still part of what I've tried in the past 2 years, so it's included here. Thank you ISSYP'12 for introducing me to this amazing sport. :) I really miss playing ultimate with you guys practically everywhere we've gone.

Also, thank you to everyone in HC who has helped me with techniques, especially my throws. Although I still suck at ultimate, I'll continue to work hard!!! At least I know how to not get myself beheaded every time I walk past people throwing discs outside the auditorium now.

4. TEH BING
I had been deluded for 16 years of my life until I tried Teh Bing in HC. Teh Bing is my greatest love now. I am going to elope with it to Timbuktu next year. It's all been planned.

5. Travelling without parents or teachers
For the first time in my life, I travelled abroad without my parents or the accompaniment of any teacher. It was crazy - flying from Singapore to Tokyo, Tokyo to Chicago, then Chicago to Toronto (20 hours in air in total) - but it had been a ton of fun. I loved being free to do whatever I wanted to do at the airports, talking to strangers, making new friends, pretending to be a Japanese (I managed to get around with my 3 years of Japanese lessons), and experiencing the different cultures (and FOOD!) at each airport. Airports never fail to wonder me; they are the best places in the world.

Things I would not really want to experience again though: being stuck in the queue for more than 2 hours at O'Hare, having the same flight delayed for 2 times until I had a free night at Crowne Plaza at Chicago (this I don't regret, however), and being on a 12 hour flight without any in-flight entertainment. Nevertheless, everything was a new and refreshing experience.

6. ISSYP '12
I MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH YOU ARE THE BEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER MET. I think I've hugged you guys enough and bawled like a sentimental nostalgic grandma enough to let you guys know how much I love and miss all of you.

There are many more things that I've tried in these two years, but this post is getting way too long so I'll stop here.

-

Before I end, I would like to express my gratitude to some people. Without all of you, I wouldn't have made through these 2 years alive.

1. My Family
I've never said 'I love you' to any of you, but I really do. I just find it hard to say this to all of you because we don't usually use words to express our love for one another. Actions do the job.

To my parents, even though both of you don't use social media of any kind and don't even usually use the computer, I would like to tell the both of you that I know I haven't been the best daughter. In fact, I've been a horrible child who wears a spike suit for an armour, together with the most scathing words as my weapon. If I were the two of you, I would have slapped myself for being so insolent and ungrateful. Thank you for tolerating with me and showering me with all your love although I must have hurt both of you so. I've changed now, I believe. I'm really grateful to the both of you for giving me all that you could, always acceding to my requests and forgiving me again and again despite how terrible I had been.

On a side note, the two of you are really reminiscent of the couple in "Up". :)

To my brothers and sisters-in-law (and my niece!!!), thank you for bringing so much happiness to my life.

2. Mings, DK and Gim Kay
Firstly, to Mings. Thank you for sticking with me throughout these 2 years and giving me all your support. :) I love how crazy you are, and how absolutely batty we can be when we're together: linking arms and skipping down the streets, sitting at the roadside with mini easels on our heads, screaming "SANASAAAAAA" at the most inopportune times, planking on each other when one of us is doing a split, eating expired dubious 四川 glass noodles, getting into food comas all the time, staring at each other with googly eyes for 1 minute, dancing "Bounce with Me" at the bus stop, etc. The list goes on and on and on and on and on. I think no one can rival us in terms of the coolest way two people can meet. I wonder how we would be now if we didn't board the same 174, if you didn't randomly ask if you could crash my house, and if I didn't agree. BUT IT HAPPENED. You did ask a stranger if you could go to her house, and I did agree to let a stranger to come to my house.

Thank you for making me feel so worthy of love and happiness. Thank you for never failing to bring a smile to my face. I love all the intelligent conversations we've had, and also all the nonsensical ones that no one but us will comprehend.

Basically, I LOVE YOU.

To DK and Gim Kay. I think it's really cool that even though I just got to know you guys (through Mings), we talk like we've known one another for a really long time. May our friendship continue until we have silver hair and I shrink so much that I only stand 4'6" (1.4m) tall.

I am not going to bid farewell to you guys because YOU GUYS ARE STUCK WITH ME FOR LIFE. Muahahahahahahahahahaha.

3. Luther
Here you go here is your dedication!!! Haha I'm just kidding, I intended to write this anyway. Thanks for listening to my rants all the time and having random conversations with me. You owe me a treat for being your advice guru. I am not serious. It is very funny writing this to you I don't know I am bad with words I am so bad with them I have no idea what I'm writing. So yea, basically, thank you for everything. I wish you all the best in 'A's, your relationships (I mean friendships as well), and everything else!

Please keep in touch with me because I still want to retain my job as an advice guru. I don't want to be a victim to structural unemployment.

4. Yu Lin
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, my very first deskmate in NY. You're the antithesis of me but we get along so well hehe. I can't believe our friendship actually lasted all the way from Secondary 1 even though we split up in Secondary 3 and had never been in the same class since.

I think you'll feel weird if I continue gushing about you here so I'll tell you everything I want to thank you for the next time I see you. :) Meanwhile, continue watching Criminal Minds!!! I am still stuck at Season 6. I can't believe you actually overtook me even though you started months later than me.

Update: I told Yu Lin all my 'thank you's and 'I love you's through Whatsapp (she had already read her dedication here then) and here is a summary of her reply: "meeps" "happy birthday" *sends a picture of a mango strudel*. I am really, really touched. I truly feel her love. :)

-

I have been writing this post all day and I'm really tired and I can't think of anything coherent to say anymore, so a special shout-out here goes to: PEI QI, Kayla, Elaine, Joyce, Rachel, Vanessa (Auntie Chan), Yau Xuan, Wan Qing, my table mates, Yi Yan, my dearest roommates, Daniel, Charisse and all my friends. Thank you for being the most amazing friends I could ever ask for. I'll write letters to you guys after 'A's.

Let me now go and find 2 toothpicks to keep my eyes open.

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