Super super meaningful and thought-provoking song. A rough translation here, in case anyone needs it.
-
From the crazy spam on twitter that night I guess the reason for my disappointment was pretty evident.
I'm still really disappointed, but what can I do? I've already given it my all.
This is merely another reminder of how lousy I am. I should have gotten used to it a long time ago.
But this. I'll never really get over it. I really feel happy for all of you since you guys are my really good friends and everything, but you know I can't help but feel really horrible when you guys start talking to me about it. Do you know how much self-control it took for me to prevent myself from breaking down in front of all of you? Do you know how much effort it took for me to just keep that freaking smile on my face? Do you know how hard it was, saying that I was okay, when in actual fact I was dying inside?
I am a bitter, selfish bitch.
It's the same with OCIP and everything. I still remember Ms S telling me, "Sometimes you may think that you have done your best, but your best isn't the best in other people's eyes." I know. I'm not the best. I'm no good for anything. People judge even though they may say that they don't. 可是我不甘心。I don't understand I don't get it why am I just so horrible at every single thing that I actually put in effort for?
They say the amount of effort you put in is not proportional to the outcome. But I don't believe it.
L told me that I can't expect to get every single thing in life. M told me to stop being so harsh on myself. W told me to stop having such high expectations of myself. I know that I'm only human but perfection... I don't even know how to describe my feelings towards it it's just something that I need. Even though I know that it's impossible to attain.
Bleah I'm so screwed up.
Despite everything I still think that I'm a very blessed person. To have people like R and L who will always be there for me and still tolerate me even when I'm hysterical and suicidal and fluctuating between the two extremes of laughing and crying.
Thank you.
-
"谢谢你走进我的世界。"
I say the same thing back to you, R.
Only Human }
Friday, May 18, 2012 @ 11:52 PM
Only Human - K 作詞：小山内舞 作曲：松尾潔/田中直
哀しみの向こう岸に
微笑があるというよ
Super super meaningful and thought-provoking song. A rough translation here, in case anyone needs it.
-
From the crazy spam on twitter that night I guess the reason for my disappointment was pretty evident.
I'm still really disappointed, but what can I do? I've already given it my all.
This is merely another reminder of how lousy I am. I should have gotten used to it a long time ago.
But this. I'll never really get over it. I really feel happy for all of you since you guys are my really good friends and everything, but you know I can't help but feel really horrible when you guys start talking to me about it. Do you know how much self-control it took for me to prevent myself from breaking down in front of all of you? Do you know how much effort it took for me to just keep that freaking smile on my face? Do you know how hard it was, saying that I was okay, when in actual fact I was dying inside?
I am a bitter, selfish bitch.
It's the same with OCIP and everything. I still remember Ms S telling me, "Sometimes you may think that you have done your best, but your best isn't the best in other people's eyes." I know. I'm not the best. I'm no good for anything. People judge even though they may say that they don't. 可是我不甘心。I don't understand I don't get it why am I just so horrible at every single thing that I actually put in effort for?
They say the amount of effort you put in is not proportional to the outcome. But I don't believe it.
L told me that I can't expect to get every single thing in life. M told me to stop being so harsh on myself. W told me to stop having such high expectations of myself. I know that I'm only human but perfection... I don't even know how to describe my feelings towards it it's just something that I need. Even though I know that it's impossible to attain.
Bleah I'm so screwed up.
Despite everything I still think that I'm a very blessed person. To have people like R and L who will always be there for me and still tolerate me even when I'm hysterical and suicidal and fluctuating between the two extremes of laughing and crying.
